I’ve been studying: (a)  how to not look askance at folks who appear to be fair-weather friends, and, (b)  how to be an improved friend. As in, being there when I’m needed. And yes of course sincerely asking ‘how can I help?’ involves self-centeredness. I believe self-fulfillment through good deeds though, is not a bad thing. I am not studying how to join the saint-hood nor suggesting such for others. Long ago I realized the personal satisfaction and ‘the feel good’ derived from helping. For a time this was likely the chief component of my volunteerism motivation.